“Like, OH MY GOD!” If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH A PAPERCLIP. #work

Unnecessary, yet somehow painfully necessary, gchat status for today. 

View high resolution

Best “thanks for getting shit done” gift from a coworker.

"Well, the original is probably in Russian, right? So…"

Overheard at work, in answer to the question, “How are we spelling Dostoevsky?”

I love when a coworker lies to me to cover their ass.

 

Do you think I’m an idiot?

"I, for one, will be drinking by noon on Saturday."

Something you should not announce at a meeting if you don’t want your coworkers to think you’re a lush.

Why My Boss is Awesome

Homemade heart-shaped cookies for all on Valentine’s Day. 

*tears up just a little*

So I decided to reply to this unintentionally hilarious Craigslist job posting looking for a personal assistant to a TV personality. →

coketalk:

LOOKING TO FILL POSITION IMMEDIATELY. Applicants MUST reside in local Los Angeles Area.

If you qualify for ALL of the above, (including video editing), please reply with resume, bio, and the following IN EXTENSIVE DETAIL:

Read the above high quality coketalk post and cackle with an evil joy. I especially liked this:

Your best quality as an assistant.

Well, I can pretty much guarantee that I have enough self restraint not to piss in your coffee every morning, and you can always count on me to maintain a thin veneer of courtesy while I swallow equal amounts of dignity and rage in the face of what will inevitably be an unending torrent of your malignant narcissism and unchecked ego.

Seriously, though, my best quality? I have a great ass. You can bounce a quarter off that thing. (I get to keep the quarter.)

And this:

How savvy are you with Twitter & Facebook. What programs do you use to update both? What other social networking outlets are you on?

I can condense the very essence of your soul into 140 characters. Whatever your favorite programs are, I’ll use them. Whatever your preferred social networks are, I’m on them. Don’t worry, I’m much smarter than you.

And who hasn’t been here:

Why did you leave your current position?

The sex got boring.

thedailywhat:

LOLDWELL.

(Head nodding involuntarily) So true…so true.

Top 5 Replies to Work Emails

1. Thanks!
2. No problem!
3. You got it!
4. You’re the best!
5. WTF?!